I have had several intereactions with a woman who is tangentially, and briefly, in my life as a result of my children. She is a runner, an Age Group contender in the 5k and a big fan of track work. She continues to floor me with her condescension to me about running. She once painstakingly explained to me what a negative split is in a way that shows she clearly thinks that the slower you are, the stupider you are. Today she asked me if she could track me during the marathon.
This woman will not be tracking me on Saturday. She will get a brief recap when I see her next. But she did inspire this list. All of these things have actually been said to me in the last few weeks.
TOP FIVE THINGS TO SAY IF YOU WANT TO ENSURE YOU WILL NOT BE TRACKING ME DURING MY RACE:
5: “You do know the difference between training for a half-marathon and training for a full, don’t you?”
4. “Does your race have chip timing? And tracking? Can I track you?”
“Will you be making fun of me?”
“Yes! I love that tracking stuff!”
3. “Why would you want to do a marathon?”
2. “You need to be on the TRACK. I mean, OPRAH ran a marathon. If Oprah can do it, anyone can do a marathon. Not anyone can do a 7:00 mile.”
1. “Marathons are for mediocrity.”
Yeah… I’ll be saving my tracking spots for the people who care.