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Yesterday I went back to see my Active Release Therapist. Or my Fascial Distortion specialist. I don’t know that I entirely understand what he does. He applies intense pressure on parts of my legs that are causing me issues. It… does not feel good. everything hurts

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Alls I know is, while he’s practicing Fascial Distortion, I practice Facial Distortion. Like this:

spidermanlol

Then, I feel better. I consider it a good session when I don’t kick him.

Anyway, yesterday at my third session he kind of got on me a bit, for not being more aggressive in getting back to running.

Dr. L: Tell me about your pain.

Me: Um, I don’t really have any pain. I have a rubbing, it feels like. Yeah, a rubbing. Maybe? Kind of.

Dr. L: Okay.

Me: I mean, I think. It may not be anything. I’m kind of paranoid.

Dr. L: How much have you been running?

Me: Some. About four days last week. But hey, you know the bike?  I actually really like the bike. And I do really like to row. Rowing is great!

He looked slightly amused.

“Look. It’s time to build,” he said. “I want you running more, and on more consecutive days. Not much, and I want you to run less on your second day. If it starts to hurt again, we’ll back off.”

So, I’m busted. Busted at being a big-fat, injury recovery scaredy cat. Thankfully, he sees that I’m just scared of getting hurt again. And I know, that I have made huge gains in this process. My form is better (as it always, always is after an injury).  I’ve said goodbye (for now) to the beautiful purple shoes that got me in this mess. And I’m being a more conscious runner.

But… I’m… skeered.

I don’t want to get hurt again. I want to go to Hood to Coast and have FUN. I do not wish to be spinning inwardly because I’m worried. Also, the other women on the teams seem awesome, and I don’t want to be hurting and bringing them down with concern. Even beyond that, I want to start looking to training for a fall half. I want running to be fun again.

But, here’s the thing: being scared is not my jam. I think most runners are pretty gutsy. Right? Pushing through the fear is the only way to find joy in running (or anything) again. Because until we get out there and try, there will be fear.

So this morning, I’m going out and I’m going to run, carefully and mindfully, but with an eye toward a BUILD, not an eye toward more hurting. I will smile because I’m out there again, and I will use  my excitement about Hood to Coast as my motivation to continue to take care of myself and become a stronger runner.

STRONGER RUNNING THROUGH FEAR, PEOPLE. Today, that is the goal.

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